So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
