You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
