Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
