shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
