dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
