CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
