it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
