i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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