i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
