Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
