Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
