dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
