ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
