is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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