Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
These tits shall not be calmed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
