We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
