I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
