you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
