I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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