I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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