I think my fart just growled at me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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