yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
