Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
