dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she smelled like a LAN party
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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