You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
