I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
