All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
