She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
