So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
