Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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