After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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