By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize