I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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