so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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