Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
