a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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