I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
