How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
