Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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