Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
