why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
