So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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