remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The air was thick with penises
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
