i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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