Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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