this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
