I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
