Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
