YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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