she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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