For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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