How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize