I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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