Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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