Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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