The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
