NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
