I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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