They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
