Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
