Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
