sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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