Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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