I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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