According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
