Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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