Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
